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I'm trying to love you. I'm trying got be there for you. But youcan't keep shoving me away. Someday you'll understand that."Even as she was speaking, Marcia was asking herself whether or not sheshould even be telling Phoebe all this. Maybe she was still too young tohear it. Then again, she was nineteen. More to the point, Marcia didn'tknow if she'd have another chance to talk to her daughter about thethings that really mattered. The truth. Even if Phoebe were too youngand too angry to understand, maybe what Marcia told her now would stayin her memory and help her later, even decades later.It was like being on a sinking ship, Marcia thought, and telling a youngchild the few essential things you knew, the essence of a life's wisdomcondensed into a few sentences. Something you bade her to alwaysremember before you kissed her goodbye and sent her off on the lifeboat."Someday this will make sense to you..."Phoebe stood there, her face smooth and pale with rage, waiting forMarcia to. What was previously impossible and untouchable was possible and very touchable. Whether my ultimate goal, my burning desire, of making love to my Mother, Tammy, was possible was yet to be determined.I don't want you to think I was looking at this whole thing as an exercise in ego, or some guy trying to see how many notches he could get on his belt. I had kind of fallen into making love with Carol through a brash and impetuous move, and had gotten with Aunt Ellie in a little more subtle way. I still had a lot to learn if I was going to get what I really wanted. I had to move carefully, though. The risks were high, and I knew if I miscalculated, I could lose a lot.I did have a relatively fertile ground for further experimentation. I knew the Mothers of our gang all knew what we wanted and what we were doing, in our teen-ager clumsy way, when we would try to feel their butts. I had a close relationship with each of the Mothers. I knew they had talked about us, the boys in the gang, when.
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